You just compared our sex life to a seven year old kid.
So for two years my friend Mark has been building a catapult in his basement. Yesterday he realized it's too big to get it out.
You need to give me a reason immediately why he is your friend.
Remember in school when they told us our vag was made just the right size for our future husband? I must say I am enjoying trying to find that perfect fit.
Using your Catholic School education as an excuse for this? Why didn't I think of that?!
we're doing beer bongs from the windmill...epic
I'd really appreciate it if we could dress up as pilgrims and indians for the thanksgiving eve bar crawl
Dude sorry but it totally wasn't worth going back in there for yous shoes
You know how girls with huge tits have back problems? Do you get knee problems or something?
I never thought the first time a taser would be used on me would be at an applebees
The guy you hooked up with is asleep in the tub. I just pee'd and he said 'turn off the tap' before snoring again.
8:30 every morning in the third floor bathroom we fuck in the handicap stall. You have your morning workout and I have mine.
Almost bit the guy's hand who sits in front of me because he was stretching. That. Bored.
Tim and I found you a 5ish and asked how you were doing with the breakup. All you said was "i can't words"
At IHOP. It feels weird and sad that your cleavage isn't here for me to try to toss paper wads into.
It was just a Craigslist hook up but she wore sweats. Where are the girls with class?
I hate him but I love him for what he does which is me
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