How old was that tiny chick? she needs a lard iv.
Came home and the girl was sitting on the steps "talking" on her ipod touch AND was halfway done eating a raw cucumber.
I know man...but i cant pass up a catholic school girl fantasy
He's eating a cream cheese sandwich. He's obviously distressed.
He told me that "my little fuckpig" was a term of endearment in Britain. I think I'm in love.
There were 11 girls in that minivan and everyone was either puking, crying, or yelling "we're a total shit show"
i think she just faxed a picture of her vag from the office copy machine... i mean what kind of sexting is that... wait is that even legal???
THERE IS SOMEONE IN MY CAR MILKING HERSELF AND TELLING ME TO TRY IT
Poking every semi-decent guy on Facebook in the hopes that one of them will want to hook up with me tonight. So far all i've accomplished is 5 new poke wars which i will most certainly continue after this weekend.
I think all the stress in my life right now can be directly correlated with never winning a game of Bop It as a child.
i keep seeing little orange spots im starting to freak out
you tried mixing adderall in your visine last night..
I just want someone to shove bread from panera down my throat
I'm about to eat a honey mustard chicken salad on the toilet while I try to shit. You really think I care about what "kind of guy he is?" The fuck out of here.
If you don't care, I don't. Good luck finding prince charming.
He had a vasectomy. I think I'm in love.
I'm currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
just to let you know, that was probably the funniest text i've ever received.
I suppose that kind of helps fill the void where my self respect used to be.
Randomize
