So I went on a date with this girl...and whos our waitress? My girlfriend got a second job she didn't tell me about to afford my bday present.
I wouldn't call it sex. It's like when you put a plug in a socket half way. It's not all the way in but it still turns on the light.
You left a skid on my bar stool!!!!
Oops! Sorry about getting stool on your stool!
Even my Russian and Serbian roommates think I drink to much.
She just stuck her hand down the strippers pants. Shit just got real.
you shall refer to me as my indian name from now on...running with dumb cunts
You know you're an adult when you break 100 to get 75 cents, to buy a condom from a bar vending machine in South Boston.
please, i've had weekends with less dignity than this.
We celebrated International Women's Day by spending $700 and taking our tops off at the strip club
The boys offered to pay but we went halfs because we're feminists
So that advice that humming stops you from puking? Yeah no, just puked through my nose.
Let's make an agreement. No drugs until you finish all your homework. I'm hiding them as we speak.
You should be able to leave recommendations on Tinder.
There is a woman in the stall next to me giving a pep talk to her daughter that wants to call off her wedding. I'm afraid to pee!
If my one night stand asked me to move in with him right after does it still count as a one nighter?
I remember turning to Jon after doing a line of coke and saying "I was a Girl Scout"
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