I just spent twenty minutes with brandons dad explaining why head isnt typically considered sex...can we say awkward?
I guess what I'm trying to say is you've fucked more people than the economy.
Please don't tell anyone I peed on your wall.
im probably the most hungover person watchin icarly right now
needless to say, I hope she has to get an abortion again
Despite fighting the urge to vomit throughout the whole thing, I think that interview went really well!
Was awful. Wedding photos taken by a river with used syringes floating past. Had to ask the bride to put down a can of rum to have her photo taken.
i was beyond wasted so he tucked me into bed and wrapped the blankets around me like a burrito. then gave me a bloody mary and an omlet when i woke up. and who says living with your cousin is a bad thing?!
You are a finance major, can I use my 529 account for your bail?
I told you I'm not going to the Phillies game until we're tripping balls
I just want to let you know how hung over I am today and I fucked a girl in a kangaroo costume last night.
Woke up in her bed this morning with a half used condom stuck to the side of my face
How can a condom be "half used"?
Like theyre better than no shoes. I'm sitting her balls naked playing xbox in nothing but crocs with the fur
It just makes me feel nauseous. And I don't want to feel nauseous when all I really want is to get off.
Three times. Three times I left home yesterday in search for sex, and three times I returned un-orgasmed.
Randomize
