I hate you but I'm not in hate with you
watching espn. realized that the exact place those sportcenter guys are is where I got laid on the beach last superbowl. my sex spot is broadcasted nationwide
I don't think I can handle being a slut. There is a lot more emotional stress that I never realized.
Ever have a day where u just waNna wake up get a blow job eat food and chill I just want today to be that day
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE GAY FRIEND?!?!
Exactly. So he deserves crazy "thanks for keeping me out of jail" sex. Or an "I'm glad your excessive cocaine habit had some positive outcomes" blowjob.
I ended up naked with smirnoff caps on my nipples. Dignity is now a completely foreign concept to me.
Lmao I should put that ad on Craigslist "in need of muscular and determined team of men to carry drunken birthday whore safely home"
You kept running up to married couples, taking their pictures and begging for them not to get divorced
My mom just added me on Facebook... She has one like and it's Will Smith
gay sex achievement: unlocked
what
you told me you were going out for groceries!!
You used your chihuahua as a pillow screaming "HE'S A PILLOW AND A PET" and proceeded to puke in the dog bed
I bought emergency contraception until I / we decide how to handle that. And target gave me a gift receipt for it. Awkward.
I named my Roomba after my pot dealer. I have a problem, don't i?
Maybe not Elvis quality pharmaceuticals...But some good stuff
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