Whoa!!! Accidentally took a dump in chick's bathroom at Red Robin. 1 hr for coast to be clear. Women's farts sound like geese taking last breath. Liars.
I just came out of my doctor's office and i look into the window and i see a guy sitting in the front seat getting head.
why are you so shocked? you live in brooklyn.
It's like having an annoying little brother who wants to have sex with you
So let me get this straight. You would sleep with an uncircumcised guy whose name you didn't know, but you won't try the new shrimp taco from taco bell?
one of the cashiers from Kroger is eating at my kitchen table and nobody knows why.
Your lack of a response has proven you've clearly forgotten how crazy I am.
I just found what appears to be a tooth in my purse...anybody missing one?
Not rlly sure. Might just drink and sleep. Gotta wake up for my last rabies shot lol
He said I showed up in just my underwear and a bunch of towels I stole from the party I was at.
I just tried to make cleaning gasoline off your shoes with toilet paper in the Chemistry Building bathroom look normal. I failed.
Definitely but only if you hit on the 16 year old in the karate class as part of your waffle and gin fueled sexually deprived rage.
Honestly I have a huge freedom boner right now and if I came it would be red white and blue
I chose not to drink last night but drinking chose me
Are we going to go home and do it or do I have time to eat my nachos bell grande first?
can you tell me why i woke up in a diaper and combat boots?
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