I'm outside your house...sorry I feel like I don't need formal invites anymore.
I just got three quarters of the way there before I realized I was way too stoned for class so I bought a smoothie and walked home.
And then I'm going to yell into her vagina and see if it echoes
that's the last time we turn jepordy into a drinking game.
I asked her if she wanted to make this a permanent exclusive thing instead of a fuck buddy thing, and she just looked at me like I'm an idiot.
That's because you are an idiot.
he left his wallet here so lets treat ourselves to a lunch for the lack of penis we both had deal with
i just went 2 months without giving head... thats like two months without coffee. or two months without sun.
i watched you ride a mechanical penis. nothing is awkward between us anymore.
when i went to the store to buy my pregnancy test they were giving carnations to all the moms and they gave me one and said "just in case"
I lost the bet. I now have to do all chores sans clothing of any kind. I give it a week before I'm knocked up...
Just broke my collar bone. May not make it to the party.
I feel like we should apologize to the light saber. We were REALLY inappropriate with it last night.
Like what did he say to his host family? The girl I causally sleep with on the weekends is coming over?! And they thought "well lets feed her dinner"
It wasnt until i started dancing that i realized i pissed myself dude. I dont think shes gonna call me back.
You have to just make a conscious effort not to make out with people when he's around if you want to keep him in your life?
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