6:33 AM: I'm drunk at this time of morning.
physics? naw man, teacher told us it was casual friday, so i decided to be super casual and not go.
i gave her road head last night, needless to say it wasn't the same and i bit a chunk of the inside of my cheek off.
It was one of those "since we're naked anyway" type situations
I'm getting very mixed reviews. One friend told me to stop drinking bc the last 3 times he's heard from me I've either peed my pants, been throwing up, or people have been having sex beside me.
Strangely enough I'm encouraging you to keep drinking for all the same reasons.
You tried telling the RA that girl you brought home was your mom...
I suppose drinking a cosmo at lunch alone can't look good but I mean... sometimes it's just necessary
I had this image of some guy in a taco truck down by the IMA accosting you for a peep show.
I fucking hate you. Some slutty looking drunk chick backed her ass up across the bar and started grinding on you. You ignored her because you didn't want to share you drink
I care about my drink far more than her feelings
I feel like I deserve an award for facing my fear of penises in my face.
You can fuck right off with that, "If the earthquake isnt bigger than 5.0, we native Californians dont get out of bed." I am from Chicago. I can handle freak flash floods, polar vortexes and tornados. But my bed violently shaking at 6:30 in the morning is cause for some understandable concern.
lesson learned. Never drop acid before a trip to the aquarium. Sounds awesome, is actually terrifying.
So is the trick to long distance communication to be drunk during phone conversations?
I just used a gift card from my in-laws to buy their daughter a vibrator. What even are morals?
I wish so many great beards were not attached to even greater jerks. All that face sitting potential wasted. Some of the greatest tragedies of this century.
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