ur dog is so gonna tell on us one day.
for doing what?
for smoking bowls out on the deck while your parents aren't home.
Umm went to talk to a client ended up seeing his semi erect penis. This is my life.
Jason Williams (yeah the ex-nets center...) drunkenly told me that, while drinking, I should take an ambien and a cialis before i go home...that will "give me a 25 minute window to have sex and then goto sleep before the bitch starts bothering me"....
We had one of those mutual "I know your on a dating website, I won't tell if you won't" glances.
I wonder sometimes what your vagina thinks about you.
Medicore although I woke up with the business card of a Turkish lawyer called Mufasa...
And it just wouldn't be a Thursday night without me having to cuss out a foreigner. The streak continues.
I know. He gave me a hug and i was like jesus i can just feel the std through your sweatshirt
He sent me a picture; erect penis, cat in hand and no pants on. He got a boob pic for that one.
............HELP Ive been abducted by vodka and its poisoning my brain fat chicks are getting cute and i slept with my sisters friend who slightly resembles john kerry....,,help
He ate shrooms at 9:30, said, "see you later," and left. I am alone on New Years.
"Stranger danger aquaman" were the last words i remember. help me.
I traded my pants for a Santa hat last night and it was so worth it.
My ex's psycho new girlfriend found my vibrator I forgot at his place. Apparently she didn't find it as funny as I did. 😂
I put on a face mask and masturbated for an hour... my face now has a green tint
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