Adam has been drinking
Who has his phone
Adam does
Whats the name of the guy with his hand down my pants?
I finally beat you i just fucked my professor last night!!!\n\n
sry, psychiatrist trumps professor
making your facebook status TEQUILA is like basically saying "im easy tonight. feel free to take advantage"
All I remember is you introducing yourself to the entire basketball team using the line "I'll show you a slam dunk."
ughh I puked about 4 times on metro, no one seems to like the cool design I made on my shirt
I knocked myself out momentarily last night when I fell and hit my head off of my jewelry box while trying to take his pants off... while he was passed out.
...if you're living vicariously thought me, that was a great blow job you just gave in the B&N parking lot.
Way too stoned bro. Was laying down on my back and thought for a good 30 mins what it would be like to be a turtle stuck on its shell
its weird that my cat bites every fat chick i bring home. i repeat every fat chick, qhT KINDA FRIEND ARE YOU
He was rocking just a diaper, shoes, and a gun. Sadly, I would still hit it.
he drank all my beer while i was at work and passed out on my couch, when i got home he was out cold and my room mates pig was licking him. they seemed peaceful, so i took 20 bucks from his wallet and left again.
I just found a voice recording from Tanya's bachelorette party when we found you drunk in downtown being harassed by a crazy dude dressed like a clown and we rescued you. Attached is a voice recording of me interviewing you after we found you. I titled it Carlos Batman.
I impressed him by taking off my panties without removing my pants.
Listen, I love you but you cannot refer to your dick as the holy sister anymore
Randomize
