God dammit. Now I'm pissed at Arizona, while feeling bad for my poor, poor penis.
soo apparently i was out of money so i stayed in the bathroom for an hour-ish passing out paper towels for money..needless to say i got kicked out
sorry about last night, I don't know what happened but I woke up this morning and looked strikingly similar to courtney love, it had to be bad.
I was thinking about baking his mom "sorry you found out i was sleeping with your son" cupcakes
smell my finger.
He was streaking. We were hammered. We had roman candles. It only made sense to shoot them at him.
this kid woke up on our hotel floor and doesnt know how he got here
on my way back.. me and that kid will be great friends
My suggestion that we all just smoke some weed was greeted with a uncomfrotable silence and a 'maybe later'. These are not our people
did you really just send me an instagramed dick pic?
Not sure if it's my shorts, hat, shoes, hair or soul but one of the above just got me drunk again from the glorious aroma of Keystone Light.
It is no longer St. Patrick's Day. I should NOT still have green boobs!
My vagina feels like it's been kissed by angels.
He doesn't deserve you. Your ass looks 8 times better than his face ever will. Wanna order pizza and watch porn?
These are the last few fleeting sober moments of the day for me. If there is anything you need me to do today, please tell me now
Of course I'm watching space shows while stoned on the science channel. Why would I want to learn while not baked out of my skull?
Randomize
