i think a pirate just stole the rest of our fucking beer. what an appropriate costume.
Too late, the blunt's already in my cleavage
I remember sucking his bleeding finger and then it's all black until he had his hand down my pants.
Just shook hands with the bud light truck driver, thanked him for his service to our country
You're about to fuck a guy with a sweatshirt tied around his waist like a mensurating 13 year old. Get your priorities straight, you're graduating tomorrow.
I heard him crying and I heard him listening to porn... I'm hoping to God they weren't at the same time.
its weird that my cat bites every fat chick i bring home. i repeat every fat chick, qhT KINDA FRIEND ARE YOU
I only got lap dances from the ugliest strippers, i couldnt stop myself from laughing the entire time.
saw a dude wearin soccer cleats at the bar tonight. fuckin kiddin me man?
Do you remember telling our cab driver you were going to fuck a penguin?
He said he's in to distance fucking. I thought he just mean long durations. We fucked on a towel all the way down his tile hallway accross his kitchen and into the living room
Fuck I think I want to but I don't think I should. Caught between should and wanting.
just follow your vagina
Quote of the day.
Ok maybe second best. He dated a stripper. Can't compete with that level of hoeness
He was tied up with the electrical tape and force fed wine from a box. It was never going to end well.
I'm really sorry I called you a "smug, arrogant, boyfriend-fucking piece of defecation". I was super drunk.
I was going to be mad, but then I remembered you don't use autocorrect and spelled everything correctly and I was kinda impressed.
Randomize
