My parents took my cat for a ride in the car. Second weekend in a row. They think its fun. Dear God
just peed in the tub, threw it on Megan.. she threw more back, I got out and threw toilet water on her.. forecast for tomorrow? pink eye.
is it bad if my mug shot looks better than my profile picture?
She was ugly to the point i wanted to brush my teeth after looking at her
he told me he saved a turtle in the middle of the road.. i told him id be over in ten minutes...i mean he deserves a bj after that.
I just banged two guys while dressed like an angel. I love this holiday.
EW EW EW EW THAT PENIS BELONGS TO SOMEONE'S FATHER! THAT PENIS BELONGS TO OUR FRIEND'S FATHER! THAT PENIS HELPED CREATE OUR FRIEND! YOU'RE NOT ALLOWED TO ADMIRE IT!
omg he fucking fingered me this morning. and i was just like this is the most awkward alarm clock ive ever had
He said female orgasms are a myth and refuses to even try to give me one.
he suggested we do it doggy style cuz it was his dead dogs birthday...i had to do it
That's exactly how my pussy feels when I shave it. Like a cross between a naked mole rat and a newborn child. Embrace it.
Bruce the cab driver wants to take me on a date to see Taken 2
You'd love her. She's outspoken like us. And appreciates a big penis and a strong drink.
My lighter is stuck in my beard.
I'm glad he doesn't have a bigger dick because he'd just use it for evil anyway
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