You stuck the head of a rubber chicken you found in her house up your ass and then started running around her living room. Naked.
he was so nervous about his first time.. it was like michael j. fox trying to put on a condom...
my dad is going to jail this weekend
where are we going to get our weed from?
Just got off the phone with poison control. They're more concerned about our alcohol intake than that the beer bong was last cleaned with pine sol.
Her facebook status said "just got a sign from god". I texted her and apparently she found a slice of pizza in the shower.
You almost married that.
i love him because he let me keep my UGGS on while we had sex
I had another sex dream about you but it was very dissatisfying. As you finished you starting singing the star spangled banner. then you left. I was not amused.
our friendships a beautiful delicate flower...that has been crushed by peni
That is was cool to fuck the single mother accross the street until every girl i bring home gets the car keyed.
Two chicks walked outta his room and all he did was beat his chest like LeBron and yell, "And 1!"
He said you asked to eat pepperoni off his dick and he thought it was weird
I mean I thought it sounded fun
are you fucking roseanne barr in there?
We power houred with shots of red wine. Somehow we ended up with 7 bottles and lost Chris. Trying to find him this hungover is proving very unsuccessful.
He stopped in the middle of us fucking so he could turn on lithuanian techno music. And the sad thing is that it was the best sex of my life.
he offered to let me fuck his brother , of course im marrying him
Randomize
