You stole her cigarette screaming that you were going to stop the air cancer from getting everyone.
at least i was looking out for everybody
you rearended a car with your bike and then puked all over his back windshield. They made BUI's for you.
You can't just hum the Jaws theme song when you pull down my pants.
I'm smoking a bowl and pondering why we haven't discovered teleportation again.
I will not be a drunk bitch. I will not be a drunk bitch. Chanting this until it's second nature.
Drinking in moderation can be fun. Drinking in moderation can be fun. Chanting this until it becomes true.
At one point they were sandwiching me, both petting my stomach, mad dogging each other. Then they somehow telepathically decided to both try to pull my pants down. Such nice guys.
OH MY GOD I JUST WANT TO GO HOME AND FART ALL NIGHT.
I tried to stop that, but then I pulled the leaves out of my panties and went to sleep.
Getting haircut. The stylist asked about the body paint dried in my hair. I told her there was prob glitter, too. It was a fun night!
I have the starring role in a literal shit show.
One of my life goals was never to see an uncircumcised dick. I guess that's out the window now.
I'm not dealing with this wiskey dick shit, 2016 is the year of hard dicks
You were yelling at a tree saying it should be in the forest..
Don't judge me.
He ate me out for an eternity. Like fell asleep, woke up, and he was still doing it.
The longer the dick, the closer to Jesus when you’re on top.
Randomize
