Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
Another night of drunkeness. Maybe I shouldn't have played death pong...
Didn't you just get a DUI last week?
Indeed I did but death didn't stop Jesus now did it
my brother came home with a bottle of vodka and his pants off. were gonna spend more quality time together.
I didn't even realize you were getting that drunk until bam!
is bam when I fell down the stairs or when I threw up standing at the bar?
I could barely talk to the cabbie and I was text bombing everyone. They need to make an auto timer app to prevent people like me from belligerent late night harrassing. And I was seeing double... Prob would have tried to give your leg a bj and then fallen down the stairs.
Think of this as an opportunity. Like Jesus just opened up his closet, and inside is an endless supply of huge, beautiful cock.
Passing out on a toilet is not classy no matter what you're wearing. Not even a pea coat.
I think you are the only one slutty enough and evil enough for the job. Just go in and blue ball him. He broke my nose in Middle school. He deserves this.
After we had sex he began to tell me the craziest places he's had sex. He told me KFC bathroom so I rolled over and went to sleep.
did i just pee glitter
Google imaged your anal issues. Seems fuckable still.
Dude on a beach in sicily and a blonde jesus just smoked us out and then tried to makeout with me I am never leaving this place
Just went to jump into bed... Completely missed the bed.
Being single again makes you realize how guys can go from licking your asshole one night to never texting you again
she told me id be a great addition to their lesbian community and shes giving me sex eyes from across the room. come get me NOW
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