I sat a few seats down and one row behind a cute girl at the Cubs game today. Having watched her talk to the guy next to her, I found out only her name and age. I then used that information and pieced it together with over 500 girls on Facebook with the same name. I found the same girl, and we're now fbook friends.
if being a creepy fuck was an olympic sport, they'd think you were using performance enhancing drugs...
A. What the fuck are period panties? B. Don't ever wear them around me... or bears.
after eating me out, he asked for something to drink. i gave him a glass of water and he said he needed something stronger.
Basically as long as the fan is pointed at my vagina i can cool off enough to sleep.
One reason I feel like garbage: Kraft single wine shots
I apologize for violently hooking up with her in front of you in the jacuzzi last night.
i would really love it if at least once per weekend i did not wake up to you half naked passed out on the floor
I feel that it is my duty to the human race to invent a colon squeegy
You tried to fight everyone, so we kept having her take her shirt off. You were sufficiently distracted...
Just woke up. Naked. Under an animal pelt. With a girl. I've never met her. She's pretty naked too.
He's in the same dorm as me. We are sharing a laundry room, gym, and cafeteria. I'VE ALREADY COMMITTED DORMCEST AND MOVE-IN DAY ISN'T UNTILL NEXT WEEK!!!!
I convinced a German girl that I was born while my mom was water skiing and I preceded to barefoot ski behind her via the umbilical cord...
After this week, alcohol is mandatory.
Stumbled out of my bed this morning into the bathroom at 8 am still drunk, obviously. The Mormon on my floor was in the bathroom. I could practically hear her doing hail marys for me.
Oh and it’s been a year according to my snap chat memories since I banged your cousin in your sons truck pulled over on Elm St! 😂😂😂😬😳😇
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