Somerville?? What the hell are you going to do there?
Watch a movie and have sloppy make outs OBVI. 45 Harris St. in case I die.
I'm done trying to be a vegetarian. My vagina smells like hummus.
Can we fast forward to the part where we get gyros
I forgot it was 4/20. that COMPLETELY explains the 7/11. i was like "that's a lot of white dudes... and they're really into snacking."
I'm going to replace you with a friend who will be happy when I find a huge penis
I had to talk to the cops at my front door in a bathrobe, with the buttplug still in.
started my period, we have to try again next week
if we have anymore sex before that my dick is gonna fall off. that is in no way a complaint
Who put the fucking tampon in my Mike's hard lemonade?
I'm about to smoke a joint alone, do you want to FaceTime and pretend you're smoking it too?
One three hour marathon fuck session and now she's divorcing her husband. Should I get business cards made?
He named his newborn baby after a character in the Hobbit and that is literally keeping me up at night.
Finally finished unpacking shit from school n found a bra with no idea whose it is... I miss college so much it hurts sometimes
I'm bleeding and have questions
I miss you and I miss your weed. Come home.
I accidentally stubbed my dick
What does that even mean?
Randomize
