what made it akward was his girlfriends dog watching us have sex
i think i pulled off the nice guy thing too well. it just backfired later on when she thought i was actually nice.
Just coerced a Santa to buy me a handle. Tis the season.
I just realized that he was my first random hookup that didnt cause a massive breakup or divorce. Im starting to grow up
good news. according to wikipedia, my blackout might just have been "post-trauma amnesia"
searching my car for your cum before I have to give my grandma a ride to the airport. Thanks for this
I've been smelling a baby wipe for three minutes. I didn't think I was that drunk but I guess I am
Cockoligist
Yes, one may refer to me as that.
I should make business cards.
He challenged me to a drink off, I couldn't just say no. It was a matter of pride really.
And as he was cursing your name from the bathroom you were ordering yourself another drink on his tab. The poor bastard had no clue you were a pro drunk
dude I don't even care if I'm getting catfished the point is I'm going to get laid. hot bitch, fat bitch, skanky bitch, i don't care my penis is having an adventure tonight regardless
I'm stuck in a tree and request your assistance ASAP
I don't really want to explain what i mean by this so just answer yes or no. are 5 cows enough?
I just realized that this is the first time I've ever seen your mom without sucking your cock.
this kid sitting diagonally in front of me is searching "cheap bongs" on google. hahahhaaha. who does this kid think he is?
Spotify says I’m in the top 1% of Indigo Girls fans worldwide. Didn’t know I would peak this early.
Aren’t you trying to seem...less lesbian?
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