Apparently you walked through my house with your dress on your head
her orgasm sounded like a fucking walrus crying.
First order of business is dropping my 9 am gym class. I'm sweating pure vodka.
Then I received a text in French, that roughly translated to "all you'll ever be good for is sex on the Internet"
yea, there's something about a stripper whipping you with your own belt that makes you think
Sorry I dragged you across a parking lot
I can't even look at my running shoes. I swear I drank more in the last 2 days than the last 6 months combined
You slammed your forties down on the table and yelled "I AM EDWARD FORTYHANDS" then mumbled something about repping Idaho like a champ and laid down on the couch.
if I was any more soft right now, my penis would be a liquid
Below this exterior of ice is a layer of cum. Followed by a pool of gin. More cum. Then, finally a heart.
HOW DO YOU FORGET TO FINISH WINE
At least get laid and waffle fries out of it you whipped basterd
What happened lastnight it looks like I had sex with edward scissor hands....my back is so messed up
my bad i broke a mirror over your back
I dont know. He's too private. After you fuck him find out his secrets.
If he’s halfway attractive, employed and cool with me having boytoys, I’ll marry him
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