yo i stole a wine glass from the ritz but i spilled wine on my hundo dolla shirt
I'm sorry my penis didn't work
Idk. We dropped acid and Kevin ran away again. We didn't find him for like 3 hours.
Man I wish I had been there
Yah we found him in the pool shed of some elderly couple. They were on the porch watching all of the shenanigans. ...To be young again.
This row in front of you is like duck, duck, goose - but eating disorder, eating disorder, failed eating disorder
I'm out of vodka and money. My semester is officially over. The way I see it, my finals are just forms I need to fill out in order to leave campus.
Just so you know I would totally fuck you. Does that count as a feeling?
some guy i've known for a week sent me nudes saying "you're welcome" i need an award for this birthday
As I fucked him you stood outside my door screaming, "I'M NOT JUDGING YOU!" over and over.
I was judging you.
All three shower stalls were filled with couples fucking and then someone yelled "switch" and... We switched
On duty sugar tits. A Marine never abandons his post to take nudi pics.
Like he and the nurses kept being so persistent with it and I just wanted to run out of there in my backless gown and yell FUCK OFF BITCHES IM OUT
He finally delivered on the dick pic, and Jesus Christ, it was worth the wait.
We showed up to the ER to pick him up and I was still wearing face paint from the game. Then I threw up in the sink. Those doctors did not like us at all.
What? No, wine isn't my weakness, I just love it.
Pretty sure he proposed because my house is awesome. His ass is a ten and he's offering to pay more than half the bills... How expensive is a divorce really? I mean I could probably put up with him for three or four years but a lifetime is a big ask.
Randomize
