i may not always bang 16 year olds but when i do, i prefer hot ones
To make up for the snow days we missed he's making us write a paper on alcoholism. It's like he knows.
if women knew the size of my dick, theyd be much more receptive to my sloppy drunken advances
Just stuffed an entire cupcake in my mouth after finishing third glass of wine. Valentines day is pretty much going how i expected it.
just watched my roommates get stoned and jury rig a pulley system to pass the bowl back and forth across the room.
I'm just saying, no one has ever made me laugh or cum as hard as you do. Sometimes at the same time which I didn't know was possible. Is there even a word for that besides love?
I have this terrible fear I might accidentally text a pic of my dick to my grandma
I got whiskey, so I think the blizzard and I are at an even match
Just at the gym drinking. We call it treadmillcolada
"Work from home" is code for "morning drinks" right?
I found out that rock climbing and alcohol does not go together. Ask my broken arm.
Literally just napped at strip club. Don't know how long
Have you ever come so hard that right after you have the urge to yell "make me a sandwich!"? ...I think my ovaries turned into testicles.
I see the guy who's been trying to get me to let him eat my ass became engaged on Facebook today; would framed screen shots be an appropriate wedding present?
Shit facedness and cuddling are what you have to look forward to this evening.
Randomize
