i want two things in life...emily to stop talking and a block of cheese.
Where are I am going home with Ryan
I don't know who this or Ryan is but it is probably too late to talk you out of it
Why does everyone think all I do is drink? I go to class on wednesdays
She just messaged me 19 sad faces.
He showed up to fuck me at the same time the pizza guy did. It was like everything I needed just showed up at my stoop.
shes got that 'its my party i can do meth if i want to' mentality. i like that.
You should be proud. How many people can say they GAVE a stripper an std?
my neighbors having band practice on sunday morning is a message from the universe that I should stop drinking
She started giving me head while we were watching the Walking Dead premiere, WORST BJ EVER.
The worst part about living in a small town is partying with your pharmacist and then having to buy Plan B from him the next morning.
How do you forget making out with a coworker in the dressing room at Sears on more than one occasion?
...object impermanence?
I think he bit my vagina. Who does that?
I came so hard I literally levitated off the top of his dick. Gravity was no match for that orgasm!
I smell like Dick and happiness
You don’t need a wing man if you have a solid hook up on the pumpkin pie
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