Taylor Swift is so right about you.
I dont ever wanna see you tell my little brother to "spread the seed" ever again
Michelle Duggar likes to fuuuuck
The only thing I can remember you saying is "I won't cut pizza like this when I'm older."
I just febrezed the jizz on my pants and wore them again, gross or eco-friendly?
Eco-friendly.
i want the original willy wonka imagination song to come on when i take a girl to my room
Those motion detector trash cans don't work fast enough to catch puke.
So my retainer doesn't fit, so i'm getting drunk so i can put it back in. Alone.
You would...
next photo in the 'cherished memories' series- Jess's bed. Note the vomit actually UNDER the pillows. shes a genius.
At the gym and this really hot trainer checked me out and was talking to his buddy about his workout. He then says "yeah man, like I'm doing so many reps- what's 7 times 7, 45?"
He was THIS close.
she tied the funnel to the fucking ceiling...
I don't know. I wanna do you but I also want a cheeseburger.
Jamie's fucking a senior citizen and I'm eating chips and salsa in the shower at 2am, so whatever you're doing it can't be worse.
I'll just say I told you so at your funeral
If you fucking touch my phone and text people, drunk or sober, ever again, i will shove a swizle stick up your pee hole.
Randomize
