My cock was attacked by outdoor plants
Theyre still fighting about whether its called america or the united states.
This guy just brought his piggy bank into the bar with him. Talk about corruption of childhood.
Last night I dreamed I was having gay sex in prison. That's the last time we go to theme night at the club.
I don't know which is a more impressive stolen object. The couch from a sheer logistical viewpoint, or the parking meter because i'm pretty sure that's a federal offence.
My face is tingly. And my legs are being massaged by golden elves.
sleeping in bed with your booty calls married sister...you're the stuff heroes are made of.
I cant believe im wasting my plan b experience on this guy. I should have saved it for someone special.
Someone downtown drunkenly stole the antenna off of her car... while she was driving.
I only had ten dollars. So leave it to Katie to somehow makeout with the bartender, on his shift mind you, and get free drinks.
I would bite a mans dick off for a chocolate milk.
One day soon I'll learn the difference between a good high and way too high. Today is not the day.
For a second I thought I had fallen asleep on the floor and freaked out. Then I thought somehow I was on drugs. This is my life.
WHAT THE FUCK HAPPENED. WHO CAME HOME WITH ME. WHAT THE FUCK RESPOND ASAP I AM SO CONFUSED
Oh the sweet dreamless sleep of drugs
You? On what? Why?
Randomize
