your all-time low pick up line was when you asked a girl "Are you rock-staring at me?"
let's just say I never want to get pulled over and have to explain to the cop why I'm wearing a false beard again.
If i ever have a kid with an outie i'm giving it up for adoption
So I'm trying to figure out if starting the day running around the quad in a black t-shirt and bikini w/ a drawn on mustache is a good way to start the day...
I'm obsessing over hocus pocus right now. What if I change my Grindr profile to "come little children, I'll take thee away to a land of enchantment"
I just feel like everything is too perfect
He's probably a serial killer or chronic masturbator
Or both. Which is common
That is an awkward looking cockshot, not gonna lie
Texas awaits me. And all the cocks that live there too.
apparently when a guy says "if there's anything missing in your life, I will provide" he's not expecting attractive lesbians to be the answer.
I kinda got drunk and threw my debit card into a bonfire so I don't have any money at the moment lol.
It's probably not a good thing when it isn't even 6:30 and I've already drank an entire bottle of wine. By myself. I'm watching Spice World and I just bought 2 Spice Girls albums off itunes.
Make that 3 Spice Girls albums.
Just ate 2 pieces of pizza in the shower.. New low or fuckin brilliant??
Remembering you have vodka in the freezer gives the same surge of happiness as finding 20 bucks in a coat pocket.
Caitlin, you were laying in your bed feeding your dog ritz chips and singing a whole new world at 4am loud enough your neighbors came over an asked you to stop.
I love my life
Dear god my vagina.
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