I'm pretty sure that he just gave me the ginger disease
Fair warning.. porn on your laptop when you turn it on.. seemed like a wonderful idea last night.. until it died
I think all I remember saying is, "I love Chris Berman's voice" and then I passed out
Just woke up from a dream where you lived in a gingerbread house on a snowy cliff by the sea. The dolphins were swimming away from a giant dust storm. You REALLY ought to smoke this before bed tonight.
i preemptively threaten to cock slap your kids if they are snobby yuppy bitches
Maybe there is a secret pocket full of cocaine in that spiderman wallet.
Had a grope session with a girl who looked like my Mom and had the same name as her as well. I think therapy is in order.
I thought my ass was sore from the gym then I realized it was from being spanked. Confusing time in my life.
the amount I squirted last night was insane. Im glad i ignored tlc's advice, i went chasing waterfalls and loved every god damn minute of it.
How was my night? He had a picture of his mom on his night stand and he yelled "Papi like" when he came. Fuck tequila.
I don't think my professor is going to remember the Halloween party... or the fact that he made out with a priest.
Are you awake? I feel like I need to confess my sins to someone not on this side of the country.
The poop emoji wasn't even in my recents. Does that mean I'm growing up?
Her new crush is a 6'2" guacamole baron that may also be a Jedi.
Quick question—how good are you at digging holes? I mean, besides the one you've dug for yourself. asking for a friend
Randomize
