When he was fingering me, it felt/looked like he was digging around for pocket change.
What kind of friend are you? You don't even blackout anymore.
you literally pushed me forward in the seat so you could puke behind my back without the cabbie noticing..
NC is no longer selling 190 proof Everclear. We are officially no longer the greatest state.
The only thing worse than being arrested is the fact the cop confiscated my green dinosaur costume.
She still cant shoot whiskey?
Im having serious doubts about this relationship
In honor of the internet blackout, I think everyone needs to change their Facebook pictures to ones of them being blacked out.
I'm sitting next to a ginger. She is decked out in olive green. Gingers fucking love olive green.
he fucked me so hard i could feel my pelvis shifting. like i legit feel more prepared for childirth now
All I am going to say is this: I woke up with lots of bruises on my knees from running around on all fours being a 'dinosaur'. Either girls night in went terribly wrong or terribly right.
You're the reason why I want to be a better drunk
we both turned hook ups into relationships we are crushing this thing called life right now.
I went to work hungover and threw up in the break room. Told them I was pregnant and then said I quit. I don't have a job now, thanks vodka.
Let’s try it, I’ve never had a bad time with sex, tacos and beer.
Forget about letting a 70-year-old man suck on my tits for coke... telling my new boyfriend about it was the poor life choice.
Randomize
