I just pynch a tree in the face
Anyone ask you how much a bj cost yet? That shirt is so whorish
I just remembered I gave $20 to a bum last nite. Philanthropy events always make me do stupid shit.
Turns out shot glasses hold the perfect serving of sour patch kids....I still fail to see how not having any real glasses is an issue
Well the weddings in 4 days so I already got the eightball lined up and the wii fit all warmed up. Still wanna bet I wont lose 20 pounds by the wedding?
I'm trying to ve beat feiesnd sent.
I am naked in a blanket sprawled on my bed eating a pastry. This is all I want out of life. Ever.
Duuuuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fruuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fuuuck
So while you were living in this woman's apartment, you acquired a room mate, fucked her daughter, and killed her bunny. Worst sitter ever
Fucking shoot me with this y'all shit. You were in Texas for 2months you do not have an accent Madonna
I have jury duty tomorrow
I almost deep fried my finger today and yet I think you are worse off than I am.
I just want him to hold me after a bad midterm. Is that even too much to ask for after sleeping with him twice?
i'm sitting in my room 'bout to smoke a bowl. also, i found out that you don't need a permit to own a tiger in wisconsin, so we're buying one when we move in together.
you were so high you just watched the elf.... its spring
When I planned out my evening, "co-author lesbian vampire erotica" was not anywhere on my list of expected activities.
Me neither, but hey, this is where we've ended up. Let's embrace the moment.
Randomize
