I may or may not have started my period at the bar. Good thing I have dark jeans on.
i just cleaned out my toilet because i knew that my head would be in it later
I feel fat after drinking my meal replacement shake.
I added chocolate sauce, a bsg of m&ms and a crushed up brownie to make it taste better.
you scanned your fake to get into the dorm last night and when the lady told you it was the wrong card you looked at her and said this is who i am thursday night
Puking green right now......... jaimison mcflurry very bad idea
all im saying is that if he was a normal person, he would have fucked me by now.
I just wanted to share with you that my life has come to naked arts and crafts, to fix my flask, with a rum and coke in my hand... Good luck on your exam
Girl we've come a long way since our first Brazilian wax
If you say no to drinking on a Monday then I'm going to take you to the hospital for a MRI
we could do so many fantastic illegal things together. sexually and otherwise.
He's gonna do me a solid for doing her a solid. It's like pay it foward. But with sex.
I never truly understood the phrase ball is life until I started having to balance NBA finals and all these men with balls i'd like to handle.
dude, where did you go? french fries taste like numbers
I’ve officially bought the ticket for my future dick appointment 😂
She should be a lawyer. She convinced her husband to give her a hall pass AFTER he walked in on her in bed with her ex-bf
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