about to tell this girl that sh'es my teenage dream. you have 15.358s to stop me.
Just so you're aware, tomorrow is "Slow Clap when you see Mike" day.
the bouncer watched the girl drop her ID, saw me pick it up and say OMG SHE LOOKS LIKE ME, and then let me use it to get into the bar
The neighborhood kids rang the doorbell in the middle of my first bong rip to ask if they could use my trampoline for the thirtieth time today...I opened the door and pretended to puke up a shitload of smoke, I have never seen a more terrified group of children
Well, I made it thru a doorway, so I think things are going good.
I got pushed into some bald man in the pit and spent the next few minutes with my face against his head. Man I love ecstasy.
Whenever I see women with terribly drawn on brows, I just wanna tackle them and redo them and run away. I'll be Brow-lady. The beauty superhero
His dick is as big as my 7" heels... Awkwardness is forgotten.
she definitely didn't appreciate it when you justified bringing her home by yelling to me "fat bitches need love too"
I was proudly and successfully the first girl ever to get kicked out of a the bar for being too drunk last night. Loving spring break.
It's amazing what a couple of orgasms can do for a girls demeanor.
Yeah, I've hit on priests at bars, too. Such a shame, there are a lot of hot men out there who've devoted themselves and their glorious genitalia to the Lord -_-
I honestly don't understand how your night went from singing a touching rendition of Africa to an angry political rant to low key trying to find a frat boy to bang to doing dishes to yoga
Wish me luck on my new penis adventure
Do u believe in the possibility of big foot?
You high??
Randomize
