So. Did i wake up at 430, try to drive home, stop to throw up at a shell, and try to clean out my car and drop my keys in a full dumpster? Yes.
Only my sister would update her facebook status while going into labor.
Buying $100 worth of beef jerkey sounded like a terrific idea last night.
he took his pants off right in front of me then just stood there so i went for his boxers and he said he was waiting till marriage
Excused from finishing the term project because my lab partner got arrested. For the second year in a row. Public school, I love you.
First I must say that I am disappointed to learn that you knowingly have trashy friends with whom you've not hooked me up.
I had to explain the gravity bong to my mom. Right after she pointed out I have a lot of dicks on my floor at any given moment.
Had to go see my sisters new baby this morn in the clothes I wore to the rave last night. Still drunk. Almost dropped it. I'll be a good aunt right?
I actually bought food at McDonald's as an apology for what I was about to do to their bathroom.
IDK. when she left she was wearing her bra like an eyepatch and offering to shiver the timbers of the dorm patrol.
I can't turn off my feet"
Me and my liver are not on speaking terms.
UPDATE: THERE IS ASS EATING. I REPEAT: THERE IS ASS EATING.
First. I had the strength. Now. I am the death.
I could be doing way worse things besides texting him 'come over and bang my headache away'. i could be on meth
Randomize
