Spraying perfume on pants makes them clean right?
possible father of this baby just finished his test first in a lecture of 200 people. other possible father finished about 100th.
I'm rooting for #1.
He literally didn't stop until I lost count of how many times he made me orgasm. It took three hours.
I'm just gonna ignore the fact that I have no pants on and find a way home. A good one-nighter never goes back for his pants.
A stranger just came up to me and asked why I hadn't texted him, and if he was just a one night stand. I live for these moments.
Just found an "inspected with pride" sticker on or around my vagina
Almost told my boss I was an expert aat swallowing when he questioned my ability to take excedrin,xanax, and a vitamin all at once. It was a medicinal gang bang lubricated by arizona tea.
The last thing I remember is your grandma calling me a pussy and taking my shot for me. Your family is awesome.
We have an unspoken agreement. He helps me move and I give him a blow job. It's really unfair to him considering he doesn't know how much shit I have.
He keeps texting me videos of fish swimming in his fish tank, so I think it's safe to say he's back on weed.
I need to reevaluate my stance on weekday hangovers...
Just fell down the stairs..might wanna call the ambulance jus take the weed out of my pocket be4 they come..
She is either doing really drawn out crunches or trying to sniff her boobs...She's lying on her back with her hand behind her head, forcing her head into the cleavage that's ok to expose and then moves her head back and then does it again.
In other news, I’ve officially fucked a grandpa.
I'm making a sandwich topless right now. Remind me again why I don't have a boyfriend?
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