Being alone has allowed me to flourish into a complete weirdo
I tried to use my car keys to open my door
I just started a sentence with yellow.
Bea Arthur died! :(
What?
Big bird passed.
After he came all over my face, he proceeded to give me a high five. I can't even act upset because I always put myself in these situations. Did I mention D3: Mighty Ducks was playing in the background?
yah I made NO friends last night. at one point i think i replaced talking with spitting
she read insantiy as in-nast-tit-ty and asked what the hell does that mean...
She brought an overnight bag to my party. Might as well have shown up wearing only a thong and a bottle of whip cream in her hand.
So there's 10 guys in this picture..I've made out with 5 of them. does this make me a slut?
eh 50% isn't bad..i'd say 80% is slut material.
The liquor store guy just accused me of buying alcohol of minors due to how many bottles I got. The guy should be used to this from me.
So apparently the only parts of last night I remember didn't actually happen.. When did vodka become a hallucinogen?
Everybody in the immediate area is hooking up like it's doomsday
WHY AM I NOT THERE?
bro i dont care how hot she was, you try keeping it up with the amount of puppet he had in her room, it was like fucking in jeff dunham's house
You go to bars with sophisticated older men, I steal lawn ornaments. Priorities
Tequila ran out around 11 so she let them do body shots of chips and guacamole instead
I've got to stop fucking tourists. If Chicagos piazza is anything like their dicks. I'm moving.
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