Her vagina was like a man-sized safe.
I'm going to write a book about John. It's going to be called big dreams, little dick
2 classes, 3 finals, and $30 worth of adderall until this semester is over.
i think i was tempted to text while we were making out. like i remember holding my phone up behind his head and just staring at it.
One of my coworkers just invited me to a wet t-shirt contest this weekend in honor of her son's 21st Birthday.
We got a 5L jug of wine for 3 Euro. Italy was a good choice.
I guess I really am the only person in this world who can successfully have a no-strings-attached threesome on the beach.
We left the knife in your bed.
I need to establish a pattern of dominance early.... I'm like a slutty Cesar Milan
I am making dinner in lingerie and heels and there is a 75% chance his roommate is going to walk in on this.
Yup. There he is. This conversation is awkward.
Looking through last night's sexting, realized one is a haiku..
Look I'm sorry I stuffed your wife's bouquet toss but I won't have that weak shit in my house.
still can't believe dude took a personal call while he was balls deep in my mouth.
My life is pants optional.
We got high, had sex, and watched retro scooby doo shows. Best friends with benefits yet.
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