i got lost in a forest last night. this morning I realized the "forest" was just 6 trees on campus.
ppl dont tell me stories about anal. apparently im not a tell-me-stories-about-anal kind of person
The second he texted me with "*dry humps you!*" I knew any relationship we might have had was over.
Why does Corona taste like a burp?
Jus posted an album so big that it takes my manhood into question
The plan is to make enough mistakes this weekend to hold me over until spring break
What's the protocol when you drive the girl's head into the wall during sex and she starts to cry?
Nothing is more awkward than taking a dump while someone is crying in the bathroom.
Oh trust me, i am. It's like magic, but instead of rabbits and doves its orgasms- He just keeps pulling them out of nowhere.
i'm sitting in class and looking at who would die if all the fans suddenly fell from the ceiling. i guess i have next year to pass history..
We are there now. They have a giant cock and balls with an eagles face and wings.
I taught a straight girl about grindr today. She showed me tinder. It was like some sexual cultural exchange program
you were on a whole other level. you went home with him because he said "you got some light ass eyes"
Ahaah! I just stole batteries from work for my vibrator. I am that person.
He fucked the hangover right out of me. That good.
Randomize
