remember when you found twisted pleasure condoms in my parents bathroom? theyre gone.
kevin brought a 6ft brunette runway model with him tonight. Now, im not sure what the fuck the color of the " i get it, its over, Im ugly" flag is.... but i'll wave it.
Talking to this girl is like playing minesweeper on hard. There's red flags everywhere.
i made two phi delts show me their dicks in less than 30 words! Take that twitter!
margarita scented body wash shouldn't be used the morning after cuervo. there should be a warning on the label.
I just remember making out with this kid's friend, washing blood off my hands and hearing the RA's were looking for me.
I'm so sorry man. Roger cartwheeled into a signpost and cut his face open. it was pretty messy so we all went into panic mode.
I know it I should, but it's kinda nice. It's smells like unbridled enthusiasm and copious amounts of melt your face off sex.
I'll answer your question with a question: Are you gonna be too high?
I just found a grey hair. On my nipple. Fuck you too, Mother Nature.
2016 is coming through for me, I'm renaming it the year of great dick
definitely good. no good can come from sex in a very full public venue.
I just found a ladybug shell in my underwear. What was I doing last night?
He is completely naked, curled in a ball, and rocking back and forth in the shower humming lullabies to himself. This is your responsibility since I'm going to be fucking someone in 5.7 seconds.
Could’ve gone my whole life not seeing a man snort coke off another man’s cock... but there it is...
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