Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
so he came over for the first time and i completely forgot i had pictures of him printed out from facebook on my wall and a newspaper article with him in it.. you can guess that it lead for an awkward situation.
just saw a girl who had one of those monogrammed backpacks... her initials are VAG. is this a sign?
So im walking through ohare and this guy walks by with a cart full of big bottles of liquor. I want to know what flight hes on.
Jesus Christ, she just started playing Enya and is humming along to it. Way, way, way too hungover to deal with her shitty taste in music
He made me a period mix..should I back out now?
Just had to return the shit I stole from the dining hall, with everyone watching...apparently there ARE consequences for being drunk, coked up and belligerent.
So this guy is eyeing me from across the bar. Either the girl I hit on next to him is his girlfriend or he's her gay best friend. I should show him my Penis and find out.
Dude. Do it.
Definitely her date. But she saw it too. So now he used to be her date. Why can't this stuff Happen when I'm sober?
I just very easily got pretty high off of one bowl of shitty dirt weed. I'm a sad excuse for who I used to be.
Sometimes you gotta take mushrooms and swim on a rooftop pool to figure out your relationship
I went in to wake you up this morning and you had a condom draped across your throat like a necklace. There were no boys in the house last night, what were you doing?
Nautical themed porn is also great bc someone usually wears a captains hat
Every guy I've ever fucked is single right now
Pray for me
I'm pretty sure the rest of my evening will consist of masturbating, drinking tequila and watching children's movies.
I used the line "you don't have enough pillows". Then left. Thought you should know.
Randomize
