Id pretty much put it in anything at this point. Jello. Dogs. 12 year old boys
Question: why is there a dildo glued to my kitchen table?
please come get me his dick is out. i'm sitting on his couch and his dick is out. come now
I've never seen anyone write a check for a bar tab before
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but my underwear and it was on backwards and my entire body is too sore to move...
Im glad someone is finally more of a drunken slut than I am.
He puked, did more shots, and then pissed in a drawer. We thought it was bad enough and all of a sudden...boom-clothes come off and he passes out with slippers and a styrofoam hat on and a guitar hero guitar in hand pretending he was slash.
Stole a wheelchair from the hospital and rolled down the street smoking and drinking this is my weekend
My mom now keeps ice cubes on hand for my bong water. We may be able to work this relationship out.
Judging by the fact that he asked me if i wanted to serenade him using cocaine and Taylor Swift I'd say I so have it in the bag.
I'm eating those little wheels of cheese and watching storage wars, this is the opposite of sex.
Can I tell you that I just incorporated the spice girls in my sexting and you not judge me
There's a girl passed out on the sidewalk at the parade. Its not even 10am. She gave candy to children saying it was ketchup. Still think I have a problem?
i'm licking honey sensually off my arm while alone in my room. what has my life come to
You were so drunk you told some dude your life story in one short sentence... and kissed his fiancé. You're invited to the wedding.
I think I had Hypothermia but was too drunk to notice.
Randomize
