tweet Hawks Win!! tweet
That's how twitter works, right?
you turned your livingroom into a bong?
Are you going to tell your therapist we boned?
let me know it goes. try not to get bit. and if you can, get someone to videotape it.
We walked because you started screaming when you finally realized he wasn't Ben Bailey and it wasn't the Cash Cab.
you threw up in the oven last night. i found that out after i preheated it to cook a pizza.
i perioded on his leg
on. his. leg.
At least you have booty calls.
True. I just waste them though. I feel like I need to be told "there are people in this world who would give anything for just one and you have two." You know in that same tone your parents told you about the starving people in china
DOWN HORMONES. BACK.
So the bartender from Applebees totally looks like he would take his clothes off for $40
I like how you possess the gift that turns normal guys into strippers
Possibly having a threesome with my ex boyfriend and his current girlfriend was great closure on that subject
I know you're on a date and I should leave you alone but about twenty minutes ago I realized I haven't been spanked in years so if you're still looking for a birthday present, you know, consider it.
Drunk level: ugly crying in the bar upon discovery of sweet tarts and not smarties.
Why r u in my phone under "the last survivor"?
I just woke and had to fish my phone out of a bowl of chili. I was wrist deep in it. WHO BROUGHT CHILI TO A PARTY?!
its not chili. and you brought it.
Randomize
