Ok seriously, can we bring back badminton?
do you have any idea why i woke up naked spooning my toaster?
you think it's bad that I have four different guys toothbrushes in my bathroom?
dude your girlfriend loves you alot..she yelled your name lastnight in bed
The chance that I have herpes may have made me find god
he told me he's been faithful to his girlfriend and is gonna try to stay that way. challenge accepted.
Only you could be admitted to the ER and walk out with a nurse's phone number. I wish I was gay
he just gave me a love letter in polish. he thinks i speak polish. I DONT SPEAK POLISH
Found a girl that was gonna make out with 25 people for her 25th birthday. I was like #12. Made top half!
He was in the middle of making out with two girls at once, but then the guy next to me said "I feel like I'm watching Animal Planet" he stopped to give him a high five
I paid off a credit card today. And I was tested negative for HIV. AND I did laundry. Honestly, I'm most excited about the laundry.
I think you'll be amused to know that I achieved the impossible feat of tripping over my own dick
I think the only context in which I'd be comfortable being kidnapped is by a band of baby sloths
He wore socks while I was giving him head. I couldn't even focus on his penis because of the socks.
He named his newborn baby after a character in the Hobbit and that is literally keeping me up at night.
Randomize
