The bubbles in my bathtub are singing to me in german....
This is how we made chicken soup last night: Whole chicken in a pot of vodka with a box of crackers and some carrots. We should go pro.
I gave him head while he watched NASCAR. My future flashed before my eyes.
When I eventually hook up with a resident lets refer to it as taking a hands on approach to my job
Of all the shitty people we associated with, you should be happy that I'm the one fucking your cousin. Sorry.
You are NEVER going to guess whose penis was JUST in my mouth!!!
I'll give you a hint, we ate paste with him in kindergarten.
The Russian stripper asked if I like foreign girls. I told her I absolutely fucking hate accents. Most awkward 7 minutes ever
WE SHOULD FUCK TWO GUYS THAT LIVE TOGETHER
THAT WOULD BE SO CONVENIENT WE COULD CARPOOL
Here you are just trying to masturbate and I'm talking to you like your an initiate for some secret society.
I just swallowed some ecstasy stuck in my nose from last night. Work should be interesting.
I guess "Ass Fun Friday" is not a thing no matter how many times I say it or bring it up in conversation...
I think he bit my vagina. Who does that?
It's volleyball. Just do it. You want to look sporty. Save sexy librarian for another day.
He went down on me for an hour and a half. He needs to get promoted more often.
I have had my dick inside of entirely too many people at this wedding in order for me to be the groom. Please give me a swift kick in the dick to wake me up from this nightmare
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