The guy at McDonald's just told us there is no flash photography allowed.
They're like penises that have been put in a blender.
i lost his rear view mirror, your phone charger, and my lesbian virginity. 21 isn't shaping up too well so far.
his teacher called to say he gave a girl on the playground a rock to touch his penis. proudest moment of my fatherhood
I just made SCOTCHSICLES. no further info is necessary
He held back my hair as I puked, then kindly asked me to slightly move my head over and pissed right next to my face.
I can't wait til I'm a real grown up and am no longer expected to take 7 shots of raspberry ruby as a pregame to a night of drinking natty lite
I creeped him on fb. I'm about 90% sure I just blew him in the same tux he wore for his wedding..
hell hath no fury like a questionably-gay best friend scorned
I am actually offended he hasn't asked me to sleep with him yet to get better grades...I wanted the whole college experience.
Would it be rude to use my vibrator? like he forfeited his right to be mad when he left me orgasmless...right?
We are best friends because we can vomit simultaneously in the same toilet and not care
The playlist was "songs to sing in the shower". I literally got fucked to Footloose.
So. My mom went grocery shopping for me while I was at work & brought the food here. Cool bc my dildo was laying on the counter. Forgot I left it out. I am sure she saw. Im mortified.
if I start to respond to these political texts with a middle finger emoji - do you think they will get the hint?
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