I knew something was wrong when santa got arrested
Hello wreck, this is your train calling.
We have a hundred jello shots. Lines will be crossed.
i just thought that perhaps i was done with the "boning on someone else's futon" stage of my life. guess not.
Why is Kyle using one of my nieces as a blunt object to provoke and attack my other niece?
Ultimate Fighter Idea. You and I both have unprotected sex with the same girl in the spam of days. Whoever the child belongs to, wins and that child is the ultimate ultimate fighter.
How high are you?
I will sleep with anyone I have to to make sure you don't get deported
Last night I dreamt that I sold my car and used the money to have wheels surgically implanted in my feet and legs so I became a human heely and I just rolled everywhere
SShout out to Barney the Dinosaur for teaching me how to sing the ABCs backward. I just scored a free pitcher.
It's scary that my vibrator is a dangerous weapon. I want a new one.
Apparently I called down to the hotel front desk and begged them to bring us pizza. They brought us tea.
Swear to god, somebody just drove by with mickey mouse in their passenger seat and he waved at me.
my alarm on my phone broke at the bar sooo i had to sleep with someone so i'd wake up on time for work.
He fucked the hangover right out of me. That good.
I’ve slept with a Senior, a Freshman and a Junior so far. I’m a Sophomore away from hitting for the cycle
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