there are some really hot girls on the bus. i want to lips them
Baby momma caught me doing baby daddy in reverse cowgirl. She kicked me out and i have no clothes, come get me.
I hope you walked the shit out of that shame.
i know they say sex burns calories but i think i actually gained weight from just lying there for the whole 2 minutes
I think one day, after evolution kicks in, my sons will thank me for having a 3rd ball. That's how much sex I'm having.
Wine floats aren't as good of an idea as they seem
Confirmed. Vegetarians give terrible head.
Didn't I tell you I have developed a shameless theory about farting anywhere and everywhere? I'm too pretty so no one suspects me.
does the girl puking in my garbage belong to you?
Your engaged. Stop telling guys you will sit on their face. They don't always know your kidding.
I said to him "i can't have sex with anyone in my friend's living room" then he said "we can move the air mattress into the kitchen"
Two of my roommates are waxing their vaginas in the living room. Can I come smoke?
I hope a pyrotechnic goes off in your asshole and seals it shut for life.
Me too.
If he wants a future he'd best figure out the calendar function on his phone. If he can invite you to his penis he can invite you to his google cal.
Just slather his penis with BBQ sauce
As your boyfriend, I'm gonna congratulate you on winning that fist fight. But as a cop, I have to tell you to not do that again.
Randomize
