I wish i had more things to dip in ranch... That's the most stoner thing i've ever said
I've done unspeakable things to your penis. I have every right to give it a name.
She gave such good road head it was turned into side-of-the-road head for everyone's safety
googling pictures of Lindsey Lohan so that I know what to wear to court is definitely a low point in my life
Nothing brings people closer than bonding over tequila shots and running from campus security.
I feel as if the hash cupcakes on top of mushroom chocolates was a little excessive last night
Lube filled water balloons always make for a good time
New low reached: a cockroach has actually drowned itself in our dirty dishes. We are heathens. Cleaning dance party tonight. No excuses.
He kept singing Happy Birthday to himself, yelling at the bouncers for not letting him in, and telling them his "father will hear of this." He was like a drunken Scottish Draco Malfoy.
I'm all set for mothers day, I let her beat me in beer pong.
They live across the street from a school baseball field so they have porter potties across the street and let's just say that I'm grateful they exist
The ecstacy made me so dehydrated I started licking condensation off car windows
IT'S A GIANT FUCKING ROBOT, DUDE. LOGIC IS OUT OF THE QUESTION BECAUSE AWESOME.
i woke up on the floor in front of the fireplace and my last google search was "fuck sponges"
Dude I got in an Uber this morning and he goes “I drove you last night”\n“You got your dick sucked in the back seat”
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