youre lurking in front of me
hot girl, 5 o clock
do you know how to read a clock?
He just screamed at her, "if you pass out i am still having sex with you!!!" In front of the entire party.
Now I know how you felt every time you had to listen to me have sex with a girl... mildly disguested yet marginally proud.
you busted in the room, ripped the covers off of us, ... and fist pumped
It was the gentlest way I could hit on a girl who just got hit by a car
Maybe she got knocked up by accident. I still refuse to believe that anyone actually INTENTIONALLY gets pregnant.
I made her cum... she sounded like Ray Romano
It's like trying to pry an octopus off you. Except the octopus speaks English and can get drunk.
I just used celery as a chaser. That's the level of my refrigerator.
I just reenacted what a cuntadactyl would act like by putting straws in my mouth as teeth and roaring, Plz come get me.
Just charged fat mistake $3 for a beer.
My worst fear almost came to light...I was choking and the cats stared at me like they had no problem eating my face if I died
I have straight up perfected the art of amazing manicures with shaky-as-fuck adderall hands. Also, I'm way too proud of this.
We took her out for fresh air and next thing we knew, she was stumbling around the backyard picking dead leaves up off the ground and putting them in her shirt to "save them".
Randomize
