I'm not unpopping my collar. This shirt is too expensive to crease.
I just told the 2nd grade class leprechauns are the children of midgets.
Let me begin my 3 part apology by saying that you are a wonderful human being...
That is the best grammar in a dirty text ever. Excellent use of the semi-colon. And yes; I am hard.
We had three bowls going. It was a tri-bowl tournament. Harry potter shit.
after the shots you kept on yelling "this is for the dreamers"
Apparently coming home smelling like I took a bath in beer is frowned upon in this household. I'm so glad I don't actually live here.
Also, the greatest of ironies: I got shampoo confiscated by security while Corey managed to get pot through. MERICA!
I haven't received a dick pic from him lately. He's not even my boyfriend and I'm concerned. I hope he's alright.
just so you know.. snorkeling hungover: great decision. I was throwing up and he couldn't even tell!
DO NOT THROW SOUP AT YOUR SCREEN
You drunk-dialed me and asked me to describe my burrito
Me my naked body. You bring the paints. I expect to be a panther by game time Sunday.
What do I get.
Panthers win you get to fuck the paint off me.
Woke up in a cemetery. Puked in front a funeral ceremony that was going on.
Do thigh high boots and a ball gag count as a costume?
Randomize
