yo i stole a wine glass from the ritz but i spilled wine on my hundo dolla shirt
I like my sex mixed with concussions.
i just threw up a quarter into the urinal in the bathroom at the bar. everybody else stared then cheered. that drunk
Just fucking put out. It'll be a good lay, promise. Stop being a prude. Damn it. A boy is trying to put his penis in you. APPRECIATE IT.
You were in your third change of clothes, and I found you in my driveway passed out with my dog's food bowl. You win.
Not a clue. But I did find out that his penis has a British accent.
These welts and bruises from letting gay boys whip my thighs last night are a clear indication i should lay off the tequila.
Just face planted the stairs. Apparently Santa brought an extra step while I was at the bar... Fucking dick
Remember that time I got suspended in eighth grade, well it was like that but I was on acid and wearing goggles
I just realized I haven't had a date or a potential possibility of a date in about a year. Then I realized I wanted to actually go on a date. But I'm sitting here getting high instead of being at a party. Life.
I decided not to look up the nudes, because I believe that there is a line, and that mocking my old classmate's horrid nudes alone crosses that line.
HELP! I GOT DRUNK IN THE LIVING ROOM AND CANT GET UP UPSTAIRS
I can't believe you're forcing me to handle this hangover sober
My mind doesn't wanna day drink but my heart does.
Honestly after an incomprehensible political rant yoga seems like the best option at 2 am
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