i guess you could say your face is two degrees of separation from my balls
I'm like cupid
You're a whore with a bow and arrow
i never thought i could drink so much vodka in 8 minutes
You left for an hour, then walked up to us at the bar, pulled 80 dollars out of your bra and yelled " drinks are on him".
I invented the best game. It's called "what touched my exposed nutsack?" It can range from pillows to toothbrushes
I did too many shots and now a kitten is trying to eat my bagel.
I got laid and laid off at a conference in long beach all on the same day
Eh. They balance each other out
oh and speaking of men I've slept with. Ryan lost 1/3 of a testicle zip lining
Remember that time i gave you head on MY birthday and you made me stop so you could watch the rhino part in 300
just had to get on my knees to snort an addy off the little sink at the daycare. teacher of the year!
You could sing the national anthem right before we have sex. Make it feel like a sporting event
Did my roommate wake up in your girlfriend's apartment in drag again?
The hat, the beard, the hard posing - like who does he think he is?
A bag of dicks
That's dating life
dude kate found out i cheated and busted in while i was taking a shit. I was cornered, nothing i could do
so drinking tonight?
Be there in 15
Is there a nice, calm way of telling your friend/housemate/former lover/person who does not reciprocate your feelings that your period is late?
Randomize
