i'm sure her mom would have loved to find out her daughter has herpes via facebook
I mean I can't believe yesterday ended w/ your house getting firebombed. What an unexpected turn of events
You proceeded to call me a hoe and then informed me that Bear Grylls is and always will be more important than I am to you.
I'll tell you what, we couldn't have asked for better binge-drinking weather.
I just inadvertently flirted with my coworker's 20-year old son. I've known him since he was 14, yet suddenly he looked different.
You are nothing if not reliable.
The guy I wanted to make out with just got beat up, let's roll.
Hey fuck you and your taint. I'm just riding a canoe called life, back the fuck off. P.s. I need a ride
Tid bit for you to add to your "what to expecting when you're expecting to lose your virginity" book... Sex on nyquil is cheaper and BETTER than sex on esctacy AND you sleep like a champ after so you're not able to think about any bad decisions made.
Now I have the walk of shame to give the receptionist the bathroom key back, I've had it for 20 minutes. I should just smile and wink. She knows what went down.
You played Frank Sinatra today after we had sex. You moved way up in my literal book of men. Congrats.
I'm so drunk. Liken realign drink
Like really drunk?
Or did you enjoy repositioning your drink?
I've had more lap dances than hrs of sleep since Thursday, this is why you're planning all three of my bachelor parties
I met a gypsy today. She told me my soul animal was an owl and says she will now remember me as "Owl Girl".
Appearently I went across the hall last night demanding to ride my neighbors moose... How much did I drink?
Dude I am a waste of space, I just febreezed myself so I could go out and get lunch
Randomize
