This old guy in denny's is sitting alone and he is looking at us and laughing for no reason
I like how she turned her beer into a wet t-shirt contest
you kept screaming that dicks were growing out of your back and then you started crying cause they were so far from your vag
could you get any more awkward?
Saw an eatery called Rusty Taco. That sooo could be me.
I found him crying and drunk, in my closet holding a picture of Tyler Perry. He managed to say"he's just so many people"
I think off duty cops drove me home. I may have been hitchhiking
Living room yoga. I'm too hungover to deal with anyone else's chi today.
My autobiography is now tentatively titled "I'm Fucking the DJ, and Other Ways to Party for Cheap"
It was easier that asking where the vagina platter is.
stop fucking thinking about him when there is A MILLION OTHER PENISES TO RIDE IN THE WORLD
Every time you mention the threesome around him I will high five you. Do what you will with this information.
Btw "you gettin a workout in" isn't a great gym pickup line. Like no I'm fucking grabbing lunch on my way to class.
I don't remember his name. I had whataburger on my mind and in my hands so I wasnt really listening
I spanked her so hard I woke up Grandma
Maybe singing about how you'd bang Morgan Freeman to the tune of Single Ladies while holding champagne and a box of Cheerios wasn't the best first impression on his parents
Randomize
