we are going to smoke at least three blunts before we go see Cloudy with a chance of meatballs. I'm going to have my mom make us spaghetti for when we get out so can your mom make those spicy meatballs? I thought I'd give you 9 days notice so everything's perfect.
Is it sad that I woke up to more "Happy Holidays" texts on 4/20 than I did on Christmas?
Doctor said I have sports induced asthma.
Call me old fashioned, but around here we call that "out of shape."
Also we decided you're the person whose going to die at my bachelor party...do the math you're the most logical choice
it's like a replay of two fridays ago...except not in a motel and i'm not having sex in the shower.
I had some like war flashbacks of giving someone a handjob and i was trying to figure out who it was.
I put the condom across her upper lip. It was like a mustache of a job well done.
He's worked out some sort of arangment where all three of them are dating each other and they've all moved into an apt. with two king beds pushed together
A true beacon of hope in these dark times
I just realized why I have little cuts all over my fingers. There was a broken pint glass in my purse last night.
Or maybe I'll just keep introducing myself like, hello, they call me iane because I need the D. Applications are submitted online, women need not apply.
I ate icecream cake off your tits for my birthday, if that's not love I don't know what is.
Remember that time we turned a can of Axe body spray into a flame thrower?
So how do I get back in good graces for trying to trade you for superbowl tickets?
Typical Sunday morning text...are you alive?
I can't really feel a difference, so essentially I paid 60 bucks to bedazzle my vag.
Randomize
